The day was normal. I was doing dishes since I had lacked in that duty all week and thinking about my life in 18 months as a LDS missionary. I will admit I don't want to serve in a few choice places and am terrified of where I might be sent. My father (who served his mission in Germany) randomly just came up to me and told me of when he was getting ready for his mission and work a job where he sorted mail and how at one moment in time he had this overcoming feeling that where ever he was sent, he would be okay.
My dearest friend S.A. and I went to a party where we only knew a handful of people. Later my other dearest friend S.J. (Both our my best friends) came in through the door and sat near us. As the movie of the night ended my friend S.J. and I started to speak about a boy at the party who had gotten sadder and sadder with each passing day. The boy we were worried about was someone I knew since Kindergarten and I didn't like seeing him put his feelings into a pressure cooker. I know the ending results of this if it kept going on. Finally after fifteen minutes of small talk with this boy, I asked:
"How are you, really?"
Then it came out. Not all at once but in baby spoonfuls. This boy had just came home from his two year mission just seven weeks ago and everything was out of place. He had claimed during the conversation that he had done what the Lord had asked him to do, yet when he came home everything started to fall apart. Minute after minutes I watched as words flowed out and a hidden anger got released. Things started to be said by this young man that those around him were shocked that he said these things. I thought I knew what to say but my thoughts just made him madder, then I let my friend S.J. take over for I feel that she is more in tune with the spirit then I am. But things did not get better.
It was 1:30 am at this point. My friend who had driven me to party was anxious to go since he was the driver and knew it was way past my curfew, however I was so demanding I said 'No' every time he suggested to go. The boy who I had grown up with decided to throw back our feelings and past situations we had told him but in a hurtful way.
To S.J. "Why can't you just move on? why are you still stuck on something you can't have?. . . ."
To S.A: "Why did you screw up in the first place? . . . ."
and more mean things where thrown out to others sitting at the table, of course no one answered his questions, whether due to no reply or he didn't give them the time to reply. I was the last to be questioned by him:
"Why do you want to go on a mission Laurel? you weren't asked or commanded to go. Why don't you do what you were commanded to do and get married and make a family?"
Both S.J. and S.A. who were sitting at both my sides, placed their hands on my knees and gave a squeeze as if to say "Don't rip his head off" or "We really need to leave now" both knowing I had my mothers blood in me and I could give an awfully mean reply. However that is not the thought or feeling that came over me. With out even thinking, I stretched out my hand and placed it on this boy who I didn't even recognize anymore and with tear filled eyes, said:
"I'm going, cause I love them. I don't even know who they are and I don't care or know where they live, but I love them. I want them to know of the love that not only what I have for them but the love that yours and mine Heavenly Father, has for them and how he knows all their heartaches and problems that there facing and yet he still loves them. I want to go, because I love them and want everything that is best for them, just like how I love you and want the best for you."
That was the breaking point. My tears where shed by all members of last night meeting. But to me, I didn't even think of what I said, it just came out. I thought of my father and how earlier on that day he told me there would be a point I wouldn't care where I ended up and I know that's true now. I don't care where I go on my mission, I know Heavenly Father will send me where I need to be and I will love it no matter what. It's incredible what can happen at 2 in the morning.
I love you, please know that.
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