“Who ever”. . .Peter
Who ever said that haling a taxi in New York was easy, must have never been in a taxi. It’s 5:15 and eighteen taxies have passed me with no passengers and none have stopped for me even though I look like a crazy man trying to flag one down. I’d walk home, to bad it’s 34 blocks, and it looks like it’s going to rain.
BLAST! Another one just passed by. . .Do I have to be a woman to get one to stop.
Shower Inside & Outside. . .Emma
I didn’t hear Holly bang on the door, telling me they were going and where they were going, so they left a note on the bulletin board that Holly and I placed up there for each other a year ago. It was mostly notes for her in my handwriting, so it was always a surprise to see something in hers.
Em~
Meet @ Finn’s Grill
@ 6
Please be there on time and TRY to look nice! J
Great. . . it’s 5:30 and my hair isn’t even dry.
Real Workouts. . .Peter
I’ve walked two blocks . . . that counts as exercise right? It’s now 5:45. Why do I keep checking the time? It’s not like I have anywhere to go or anything to do. It’s only Friday night.
I felt the first few drops of winter rain.
I better start getting a real work out and run.
Community Service . . . Emma
It’s pouring, it’s 5:50, and the restaurant is 23 blocks away . . . great . . . well on the bright side my hair is wet already.
‘TAXI!!!”
Oh good. One stopped, it’s so good to be a woman.
“Wait”
What the? As soon as I was going to get into my cab a man in a drenched work suit running from no where comes toward me. Crap. This is why I carried pepper spray. Just slip into my trench coat pocket and I can feel the small cold metal can in my fingers.
“Wait” as this man came closer. .. breathing rather heavy.
“Wait. . . . I’ve. . . been running. . . for the . . . past.. . 8 blocks. . . .can . . . I share the cab with you?”
Dang. . . this is why I hated going to church. The preacher always tells you to be kind to those around you, and share the love, and give service to your community. . . and then you feel quilt when you don’t. Heck. . . it’s already 5:56. . . what do I have to lose?
I feel like there is enough material now for me to make a proper opinion:
ReplyDeleteThe bad first; so I end on a good note.
I personally do not particularly care that you occasionally switch between First-Person and Narrative points of view, but other people might find it a little bothersome. I for one think it is optional to do so though.
You might want to take time during each event to add a bit more detail into your characters. Maybe describe the atmosphere around each character, or how exactly they feel towards other important people in the story.
Now for the good part. I actually think these pieces have some real potential. I really enjoy how quick and witty the dialog moves. The inner thoughts of Peter and Emma seem very organic and insightful. I find it interesting.
I like it. I really like it.